I went through a number of things: not being a better saver, not making different work choices, and so on. I realized that most of these are really small regrets in the scheme of things, not the ones that are making me sad from time to time. It all seems to crop up regularly on Sunday and sometimes leaking into Monday. Clearly not about having to go to a job that I don't like. That went by the wayside quite awhile ago. I am managing my financial life. I have work that I love.
The two big regrets that make me sad? First, I arrived at the nursing home where both my parents were, although in separate rooms. My mom was in a comma. I touched her hand and said that I was there. I sat by the side of the bed but didn't hold her hand. She died about 40 minutes after I came into the room. I still wish, almost 14 years later, that I had moved the chair and held her hand. At least I was there. I'm fairly sure that it doesn't matter to her soul that I didn't hold her hand. It matters to me though.
The 2nd big regret? My dad died 7 - 1/2 days later, alone, early in the morning. My sister pointed out that in a way it was like dying at home as he spent a lot of hours in that hospital when he was practicing medicine. Still and yet I wish someone from the family had been there. As with my mother, I'm fairly certain that it doesn't matter to my father's soul. I'm also fairly certain that my mother's soul was with him when he died to help him cross over.
I admit that sometimes the small ones crop up, but I hope that I am getting better at letting them go.
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The photograph is by Hailey Moeller and was found on unsplash.com. Please click here if you would like to know more about me and my services.
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