Embracing Who I am

I have learned that embracing who I am is a lifelong process. I do wish that it was so much easier than it is. That's a large sigh if you could but hear it--maybe you can just imagine it. 

I will first confess that this photo is at least 10 years old. I have, of course, aged. I have more white hair than I did here. I am fine with the white hair as I consider it a pretty color. I would be fine if all my hair turned white. 

I am not quite so fine with the wrinkles. Not many yet. But I do have some vanity. I am a lot less fine with the weight I let myself put on through stress and grief. I am quite happy that I have managed to take off almost all of the weight I put on. I am having a bit of trouble accepting the remaining flab. My plan is to lose more than I put on in the hopes that all goes away. Berating myself doesn't do any good. It wouldn't have taken the weight off. Only finding the diet that works for me and working on bringing my thyroid numbers into the normal range works. Well, and keeping up with some exercise.

I have learned to live with the minor, chronic things. After all, without major surgery to lift my knee caps, there's nothing I can do about the fact that I'm knock kneed. The knee cap rubs on the muscle underneath. I just move through it. I am never going to be a runner or lithe and graceful. The knees are just one of a number of minor annoyances. So, I move on. 

And, so it goes. It's more of the emotional and life stuff that I have to work harder at embracing. Old childhood patterns. Old previous life stuff that has bled through into this life. Good therapy helps. Working with a psychic here and shaman there helps. I recently, in fact, learned that I am balancing two things out from a previous life in this lifetime. It has helped me say, OK, this is what I agreed to in this lifetime. My issues with them didn't necessarily go magically poof, but I am more at ease with my introversion and why I am that way. I am also more at ease with some longstanding interactions caused because of the balancing nature of my current lifetime. I haven't been as reactive to these issues lately.

I suppose I should acknowledge that embracing myself doesn't necessarily just accepting things the way they are. That would mean never changing, never moving forward. I think it means accepting who I am and then working to be who I would like to be.

I am now working on finding the ways to be out in the world and finding clients that work more with me and not just doing things because people say that everyone should do all of these various things. Hmm. Sounds a bit like the meditation pair from my book, Opening the Heart: Meditations on How to Be: 

Embracing myself is often about figuring what I know is best for me and not just following the crowd who say that something is the way to go. 

No one ever said that life didn't take effort. I guess it might take some effort until the end. It's just finding the things that you love and bring you joy at the same time.

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